The Custody Struggle

~ R. U. Wacko

Perhaps, someone convinces you that I am the enemy. Perhaps you yourself think that I am the enemy. I am not the enemy. You waste your time and the time of others believing anyone else or the past is to blame for your problems.

You live in the now. Not the past. So if you do not like something in your past you can hate it or love it or dismiss it or forget it.

You may feel your problems go back to your childhood or to the child custody struggle between you and your husband. The second spouse may feel her problems are due to the same custody fight. For twenty years, all you may hear is that both wives problems were due to two tiny children and a custody battle 30 years ago. 

In divorce you may claim all your problems were due to an ex-husband abusing you. In 20 years you never told anyone, but now claim that is your problem. The psychiatrist buys the argument. I asked him, “Do you believe that? But it sounds like a good illness excuse that all that is wrong with you is what someone else did to you (whether he did or didn’t) twenty years previous.

People can spent 30 years claiming that their problems are due to their childhood or due to another. I say bullshit! The problem is now! Always has been in the now. You control your problems. And I, I choose to see problems as challenges – possibilities. I choose to blame or accept responsibility. I choose escapes or solutions. And if “you” are looking for someone or something to blame “your” problems on, well, you might as well choose me. I am strong, I can handle it. You can blame me if you want, but where will that get you? 

Other women have gone through custody struggles, or divorce, or faced death of a loved one, or a disease, or abuse and have become stronger. You want to use it as an illness excuse.

You say you behave the way you do because of the divorce or past abuse. “He took my kids away from me” and therefore I blame him for my problems. How about, he got the kids because you had problems!

Or, I am the wy I am because my former husband abused me. Or, I did everything for you! I raised your kids or I was sick and you left me. Or was it, you were a jerk throughout the custody battle and you blamed the kids for all your problems and were hateful and I left you.

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