~ R. U. Wacko
Nothing is more pathetic than being a jilted Lover. You do not have to act like one. Sure, the rejection is so hard to take. To have your lover or spouse dump you is depressing. If you suffer from depression you have real problems – depressing depression. If your spouse has let you get away with your bad behavior for years and all of a sudden says they have had enough and are not going to put up with your behavior any longer – this alone will cause reactive depression or certainly worsen any clinical depression you may have.
Sometimes you have to become more depressed to recognize your problem. And recognizing your problem is the key to a better future.
Trying to figure out why your spouse or lover left you is for the counselor. Usually when someone has had enough to make a decision to leave, separate or divorce – it is over for them.
There is no realistic way to get them to reverse their decision. That is normal. Sometimes it takes many years to get to that point of leaving. When you get sick and tired enough of a relationship with a spouse you will do something about it.
Is there life after the divorce? I believe it was Kruschchev who once said “Sometimes to make an omelet some eggs have to be broken”.
Sometimes divorce prepares the way for better things for one or both parties.
I was lucky!
Often we ponder divorce for years. We make no move. We sit on the fence. You fear change when maybe you should welcome it.
I think we all want to find someone to marry who loves us, than to stay married to someone who does not. It is better to divorce someone you do not love, than to stay married to someone you don’t love. It is better to marry someone who loves. Many pick the safe route, which is to stay, no matter how miserable, especially if there are children. Sometimes the worse thing you can do to a person is the best thing you can do for them. Sometimes divorce is good for you, and will be for the other party after time. Sometimes getting help for a mental illness is the best thing you can do for them. Sometimes making a mate take treatment for abuse or drug abuse is the best thing you can do for them. Sometimes putting a mate in jail is better than helping to keep them out of jail.
The only remedy for hate is love. Sometimes taking a leave of absence, to find out if you are the problem or if your spouse is the problem is the answer. You want peace of mind. You do not know what the answer is for your wife or husband, but you want an answer for yourself.
You have a plan. You will leave for six months to see how things go. You may find out that things get so much better so fast you think you lost the boulder on your neck.
Maybe someone will get the help they need or wake up to the reality of life. Maybe they can’t call their spouse every name in the book and expect to keep them. Maybe they can’t physically abuse others and keep them from leaving. Maybe they can’t threaten someone and expect them to stay. Maybe they should have got counseling about sex. Maybe they can’t kick you door down and come at you with a hammer and expect you to return to them.
Once you make the move to leave you may feel very relieved. You may know on the day you move out that you will not be going back home.
You may start to grow again. You may get your sense of humor back after divorce.
Often there is not enough counseling to make each partner realize that their partner had feelings. And it is very difficult to understand the feelings of delaying the decision to separate from a long relationship. Maybe you fear facing the truth. You procrastinate. You will not tell your spouse you want out of the marriage as you do not want to spoil their birthday, their Christmas, their evening, their weekend, their month or their next moment. You find after you have finally told them, your relief begins to take, and thereafter things get better – for you anyway, because you spoke your decision – you made up your mind – you left.
And if your decision does not work, all you have to do is make another decision..
You leave and say you want to see how the next 6 months go and promise to do nothing except live apart for a while.
They may tell everyone they love you so much as they change the home door keys and go to the best divorce attorney in town and sell your lawnmower for cash.
Two attorneys help make divorce inevitable. Making hell for both sides in the name of money, your money, they have to try to get the most settlement for you even though the law in your state probably says you will get half and are only entitled to half. They start asking for the sky and each mate thinks the other mate wants everything or got everything.
See R U WACKO at GaryBahr.com