~ R. U. Wacko

Christmas is a bad time for people with depression. Nothing is right. The kids are not happy enough with the gifts. The depressed spouse is not happy with her gifts. The gifts are signs no one loves them. You will swear you will not spend another Christmas with depression – even if you are the spouse without depression. Especially if you are the one without the depression. I thought this for several Christmases.

The kids take depression and divorce hard. All they want is peace in their homes. They do not like suicide threats or attempts. They all love both parents – at least from time to time.

Friends may try to convince you to do something to get your spouse help. Friends can be a big help. Everyone loves the depressed person from time to time – especially during the good days.

The depressed spouse will usually deny everything. They are fine. Everyone else is crazy.

If there is depression or alcoholism or violence in a spouse, get the kids and family to a psychiatrist. All need to understand the problem. Invite the spouse. The counseling meetings may well lead to divorce. The kids have questions and need to understand what is going on. The depressed person has many fears – including that everyone is gaining-up on them. They want to defend themselves. They may make a scene right in the psychiatrist’s office during a family scene. They don’t like a professional or their thinking they need help.

The family has to go together if for no other reason than to keep everyone honest. If the depressed person refuses help, their may be little hope for saving a marriage.

A psychiatrist may wonder why you put up with your spouse’s behavior? They may say your spouse suffers from depression or is fine? Clinical depression is probably inherited, probably chemical, and probably not curable. You may not want to hear it. I want to know when she will get better. You want to know how much longer will it be? It you’re a banker, you can only give your spouse six months to cure at a time.

Depressed people make threats to divorce, they leave for a day or two or three, or they threaten to commit suicide. All are calls for help. At Christmas all usually become worse.

You will not want to spend another Christmas with depression. You may just want a six-month period by yourself to see if you are the cause of the problems of if your spouse is the problem.

You know they are the problem, but you don’t want to even admit your spouse has mental health problems.

Sometimes I do think people deserve a metal for putting up with their spouses for life. Than there are those rare couples who make fine examples of what marriage should be like. But, sometimes they fool you. They may have problems too. Who knows what goes on in their homes when friends are not around.

Want to change the characters in your life or learn to live without expectations of other? Pick up the book, “Living, Loving and Learning” by Leo Buscaglia. It is a wonderful book. It made me laugh. I read it on a trip to California and at the beach. I decided on the beach in California that I was going to take control of my life. I did not want to control anyone else’s life. I did not want to be a caretaker or responsible for someone else.

Divorce usually is a selfish decision.

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